Confession: I'm really bad at friendship.
I just wrote a bunch of stuff that would've been a blog entry, but all it amounted to was a whiny pathetic rambling of word vomit. So I'm starting over.
I was in need of a new book to use for my quiet time, so I went to my cabinet where I keep such things and pulled out another little beauty by Jen Hatmaker. (I'm a super fan. Don't judge.) This one is called Girl Talk: Getting Past the Chitchat.
I found a bookmark about halfway thru it which tells me I didn't finish it on my first attempt however many years ago (too long for me to even remember)(that could really be anything more than a year.)
I sat down in my cozy red chair with my coffee and my journal and my pencil and opened to that first chapter. I didn't finish it.
Friendship scares me.
Friendship intimidates me.
Friendship makes me vulnerable.
I've been hurt by friends. Badly. Some people who at one time were my best friends in the whole world aren't my friends anymore. Sometimes there's reconciliation, but it's never quite the same.
So I put my guard up.
I make excuses.
But it needs to stop.
So I'll give Jen another chance. I'll sit down with Girl Talk again tomorrow and try to get through the first chapter without rolling my eyes or justifying my tendency to self-preserve.
I know I'm not the only one in the world who struggles with friendships, but I wonder, if this is a prevalent issue for women in ministry. I have a lot of thoughts. I need to process.
I'll get back to you on this.....